I was just reading an article about a marriage between a Christian couple that was almost over. There was a time when the marriage started to shake and things got worse as they went on. It was really bad even a Christian counselor had to advise them to go for divorce. But then as both of them realized that they needed to be more sensitive to each others needs and that both of them personally needed to grow in their walks with the Lord, they started working these two things out to make their marriage work.

Marriage is indeed a hard work. It’s not passive. It’s not like you get married with the person you love and you will happily live ever after. It is not a fairy tale. Rather, it is hard work. You have to work out that fire within the marriage. I think for us wives, we have an integral part in keeping our marriage.

We have to work on being sensitive to our husband’s needs. Also, a lot of people think that wives don’t need to work on making themselves beautiful because no matter how the wives would look like, the husbands would still love them. I kind of disagree on this part. I have to make myself beautiful for my husband, both inwardly and outwardly. Even if it requires me to use diet supplements just to keep my weight normal, I would do.

I’m not saying that if we don’t look beautiful outwardly our husbands will stop loving us. I’m just saying that to keep a fire going, to keep our husband’s desire for us alive, we should work on it.

There are lots of ways to keep the fire going. It will probably take me months and more experiences to write about it. But for now, I can only write about keeping ourselves presentable.

i have something more to say on keeping the marriage great:

• make time alone with your spouse a priority. schedule date night regularly – even if it’s in your own living room. i and my husband do this a lot. now with the kids still very young, and no help to take care of the kids, hubby and i learned the art of dating at home.
• set a cozy environment for a cozy moment. burn some essential oils to keep your senses awake. try burning ylang ylang essential oil and lavender essential oil to set up the mood for cozy time. it works really well.
• keep God in your marriage. let him be the center of your relationship. when He is, both will be conscious that whatever they do, it reflects on how both fear God.

by: janet

Marriage is not a bed of roses all the time. It’s a lot of work to make it successful. Successful marriage is not passive. You have to keep it alive. You have to keep it glowing. You have to keep it going. It takes a lot to make a great marriage. There are some keywords that i would like to point out in making the marriage work (not necessarily in order):

• love – i know there are lots of marriages made not out of love, but out of match-made by both parents. sometimes, it’s hard to define love when you’re in a relationship and everything goes right. the moment challenges come in, this is when you can finally test whether love is for real. for love is not just a feeling. it must be a will. a love that remains for better or worse, for better or poorer, etc.
• respect – respect for yourself and respect for your spouse is very important. you have to respect each others differences. never criticize your spouse in public. I know a couple who have a very different personalities. The wife always scold the husband, even in front of other people. You know what, this husband stayed on not because of her, but because of his children. He told me one day that the moment they got married, his love for his wife was gone because she has such a bad attitude, disrespecting him, calling him stupid in front of other people. I can only extend my sympathy for this guy.
• forgiveness – i admit, it’s hard for me to forgive easily. It takes time for me to really release forgiveness. But God has been teaching me about this. I must learn to forgive easily for He Himself doesn’t have a hard time forgiving me when I do wrong.
• communication – is the key to a great marriage. You have to talk. Sort out your differences. Resolve your problem. Never let it hang in the air. Let your spouse know how you feel and why you feel that way. I have a problem with an open communication before because we’re not encouraged to do that in my family. But when I went overseas and joined a certain team, I started learning how to open up… which is good for our relationship.
• trust – comes next when you have an open communication with your spouse.  No trust, no love.

These are just my thoughts. I hope I am making sense and I hope you will find these tips helpful in keeping your marriage in bay.

by: janet